


His Guiding Light

by KazOfScotland



Series: 31 Days of Shipping [1]
Category: Strike Back
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Forbidden Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:01:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29857095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KazOfScotland/pseuds/KazOfScotland
Summary: Damien stayed because it’s what John would have wanted. Damien stayed because he knew this was his second chance. He stayed for John and that’s all there was to it.
Relationships: John Porter/Damien Scott
Series: 31 Days of Shipping [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195115
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4
Collections: 31 Days of Shipping Challenge - Spring 2021





	His Guiding Light

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 1 of 31 Days of Shipping. 
> 
> February 28th - A Ship That Makes You Cry.

Sometimes alcohol wasn’t enough to numb the thoughts and regrets that came from his past. Sometimes there was nothing that he could do but lie there and let the regrets drown him. Sometimes he just had to admit that it was all too much. 

There was a reason he stayed. There was a reason that he wanted answers. And it wasn’t money. Money meant nothing to him when it came to John Porter but he had to keep up appearances. He had to pretend that he didn’t give two fucks about anyone but himself. He had to. 

He hated the way that everyone doubted him. Not because he thought that he was great, but because it was wasting time in which they could be chasing down the leads that John had left them during his last words. He wouldn’t allow them to waste John’s last words by dragging their feet. 

He was proud of John, he was proud of him for doing what he never could. He had seen the job through to the end. The Brit had seen it all to the very end even though he could have begged for his life, he could have left a message for Lexie. But no, he kept working right until the very end. He knew what was happening and he left a message that only he could decode. 

John had always said that he needed to come back into the fold, he needed to get back into the work that they had been doing in Afghanistan before the frame up. However, he had always refused to listen, but here it was, the end of John’s life and he makes sure that it pulls him back into the fold. 

He loved him. That was why. They loved each other despite the forbidden nature of it. And John had always promised that he would make sure that his life needed up being worth something. 

He had been in a position where he had to pretend that his life was all a lie. He had been in a position where he had to keep every part of him a secret. He couldn’t tell anyone about the girl he had married and gotten pregnant. He couldn’t tell anyone about the man who made his heart race with a single smile. He couldn’t tell anyone. 

Don’t ask, don’t tell. Don’t ask questions, don’t tell the truth. That had been his entire motto during his time as a part of Delta. But the secret moments that he had gotten with John, they were what made his heart soar, that was what made the hell that they had to live through worth it. 

_ Damien couldn’t help but freeze as he felt hands settle on his shoulders. He recognised those hands. He recognised the feeling of them, the way that they made him relax, the way that he felt all of the weight lift off of him.  _

_ The feeling of those hands settling on his shoulders made him wonder how. He had decided to stay at twenty to get justice for John. To get answers that he could give to Lexie. So he knew that those hands couldn’t be settling on his shoulders.  _

_ He knew there was no way that John was there as he was heading towards his final moments… not unless.  _

_ Well if he was dead at least he would be with John again. That was the only reasoning that he could find to explain why John’s hands had settled on his shoulders.  _

_ Ghosts weren’t real. But it was reassuring for him not to be alone as the bomb went off. It all made sense now.  _

There was a sense of dread and heartbreak in his chest as he walked out of the unit where he had almost been blown up. He was relieved to be alive, there was no denying that fact. He was glad that he would be able to fulfil his promise of getting answers to Lexie. Being able to give Lexie the closure of knowing that the person who had taken John from them would never do it again. 

But despite that he wished that he had died. He wished that it was more than a hallucination. He wanted nothing more than to be able to lie back next to John and just be again. 

However he knew that he couldn’t let it stop him. He had to keep fighting so that he could make the life that he was living worthy. He needed to make sure that he was living a life that would stop John from looking down on him and going; “Fuck!” 

_ The kiss on the side of his neck was what caused him to wake up. He hadn’t expected it. He hadn’t thought that John would still be there. After everything, after he was sent home and he was given the dishonourable discharge, he hadn’t expected to see John again. But the Englishman had turned up the night before and forced his presence upon him.  _

_ The night had been fun. The night had been full of alcohol and laughs but there was something that had felt final about. So after they had ended the night with a round of passionate sex, Damien had thought that that was it. He had thought that he would wake up in the morning and John would be gone like a figment of his imagination.  _

_ But he was there. He was waking him up by multiple kisses placing on his neck and back. It was something that Damien had never imagined would happen. He had been married and never once had there been an intimate and tender moment like this. It had always been a case of wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. But it was different now.  _

_ Regardless of the secrecy. Regardless of the consequences of being found out. Regardless of how his life was falling apart one thing at a time, he couldn’t help but feel excited and loved in that exact moment. He couldn’t help but smile as he realised that he didn’t have to lose everything. He was worthy of being loved.  _

The thoughts of John and that last weekend they had spent together was all that kept Damien together as they chased down Latif. John’s voice in his head, John’s voice telling him that he was a better man was the only reason that he didn’t try to burn twenty to the ground. And John’s daughter was the only reason that he didn’t try and drown himself in alcohol and mistakes when Colonel Grant died and took with her any chance of clearing his name. 

Lexie had been the one thing that had held him together since he had seen the footage of John’s death. Lexie had once been the little girl who had laughed at his accent but now she was the mature and angry teenager with no one to turn to who was sat on his couch in the accommodation that twenty had secured for him. Lexie, who had once been tough and constantly angry at her dad, now sat in front of him telling him how she didn’t know what to do without her dad. And honestly, he didn’t have an answer for her, because even when they’re apart, John has always been his guiding light. John has always been his guardian angel. 

“Damien, he loved you, you know. He told me.” Lexie had admitted to him the day that she found him sat at John’s grave. She had known exactly who he was and she had known exactly what he needed. So for now, he was going to do everything that he could to hold her together. At least until she was ready to venture out on her own again. 

_ I love him, too.  _ That was all he could think. All he could consider replying but never did. 


End file.
